So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
