There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
