He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
