i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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