i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
