I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
