oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he thought i was a dude.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize