you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
