i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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