Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
