Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
