ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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