Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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