i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
