so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
