You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
