remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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