Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
