those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
