she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
