Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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