If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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