They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
