I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
