I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize