i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
