I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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