You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
be right there i have to get my cape
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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