im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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