working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize