So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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