I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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