VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
high people should be assigned attendants
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
