his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
