She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
