if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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