Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
