I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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