You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You can't special order awesome
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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