cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
