you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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