the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
