Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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