I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
