He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
