happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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