mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
