Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
