after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
