Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
