Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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