I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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