so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you had me at cake vodka
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
