I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
