Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
