I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
