you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
