Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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