fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
