Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
