How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
