ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
