im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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