you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Randomize
