Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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