Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
