Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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