can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
