So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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