My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
