I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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