She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
