Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
