I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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